Morning All

It’s not often that I rouse myself so early on a Saturday morning that you can barely see the Autumn
most through the darkness. For years, they have been the hours when I lie, exhausted by the week before, recovering my energy, taking a moment of slow motion before stepping back on to the helper skelter of my life. Today though, I arose before the sun, I watched the pink-tinged clouds and autumn-settling countryside through the windows of a train.
And for why? Why have I attempted to cover up my dark circles in the light of a badly placed torch (and forget to use mascara)? Why should I risk waking Early Boy by taking a shower in the first reaches of mornings that persuade you to stay in bed because the darkness says that it is still, in fact, night-time? Why should I bother to tame my hair? 
I am hurtling to London through the morning mist because I am on my way to an unconference. An unconference for women in educational leadership, where I am running a workshop on part-time working.
Make no mistake. I am not educational leader. I am the most part-time of part-timers and I can’t see that changing any time soon. Rather than forging ahead, Making Things Happeb, I am compromised, forever caught, as many women have been before me, by the twin demands of home and family; the iron bands of love for my own.
I tell myself that it’s just a stage, that it won’t last. I tell myself that one day they will grow up and leave me, and that I will be both bereft and released, that my, our time will come. But I have a secret fear. I fear that, like the generations of women before me, my role will go from one kind of supporter to another. I will swop servicing the needs of those I love up close to doing it at a distance. Or it never changing at all. Will I be locked into a perpetual state of early parenthood, never changing, never easing?
I once stood up in church and said that I felt like a bird. Not one of those who fly through sunlight, but one whose wings were clipped, chained and bloody, to the ground.
But today I am not. Like those other days when I refuse to indulge in self-destructive moments of self-pity, today I am not thinking about the dull days of an uncertain future.
Today I am thinking about the legions of part-time workers (and not just women) in our schools and I’m thinking of how we can harness their talent, their commitment and love for the twin worlds.
As golden shafts of sunlight pierce the clouds of grey, I’m thinking of now. I’m living for today. 



9 thoughts on “Morning All

  1. Have a great day 🙂
    By the way, your introduction had connotations of Homer’s Odyssey for me… And Dawn came… Rosy fingered 🙂

      1. I just posted by way of reply “hehe, I’m free”… And for some bizarre reason it went out as a blog post!!! 😂

  2. I hope you have a fabulous time at this unconference. And an affirmation for you: what you are doing with your life is making a difference in the world. I don’t believe it matters how much time and energy you put into the noble art of teaching v. How much you put into the noble art of parenting. What matters is that you do whatever you do from the depths of your soul and with love. Hugs!

  3. You so ARE an educational leader, Nancy….

    Have only just caught up with this! Enjoyed reading it, especially in the #Womened afterglow.

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